


Empty Nights

by katie_049



Series: Nights (Season 16) [3]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Episode Tag: s16e18 Mona Lisa, F/M, Night Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 03:45:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19076818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katie_049/pseuds/katie_049
Summary: “I’m not in the mood to talk to you, Bishop,” he greeted her as he stopped a few feet in front of her, looking past her to the street.“You never call me Bishop anymore,” she replied and out of the corner of his eyes, he saw her cross her arms. “We need to talk, Nick. I don’t like it when we’re fighting.”“Good thing, we’re not fighting then.”





	Empty Nights

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with the next pieces of the Night Series. You can also read it as a stand alone, just know that Nick has helped Ellie with her nightmares. There should be one more piece for this series and I'm already working on it! 
> 
> Thanks goes to my beta reader Shaquille_oatmeal726 who read over it. This time Girlreaderr98 also read over it. Thanks to you too!

The bullpen was silent when Nick walked down the stairs and back into the main office. He had just finished talking to Jack again. Well, it was actually Jack talking and trying to ask him questions that he would then sparsely answer. Questions about his family and his life undercover, but they barely touched the events of the last few days.

Being drugged was something that hadn’t happened to him before and it was honestly something he never thought would happen to him at all. When he was still undercover, he had always been alert, buying his own drinks and food, careful to not end up drugged. One of the most important lessons they had taught him during his training was to never lower his inhibitions. Even drinking too much could result in blowing his cover, so he always made sure to never get drunk. After all, he worked alone back then, and he didn’t have anybody to depend on.

Retrieving his backpack from his desk, he headed for the elevator. The bullpen was silent, and the only sound heard was the soft humming of the computers. Everybody had left already, including McGee and Ellie. He was thankful for their absence, a feeling he hadn’t felt in a long time. Most days now, he looked forward to work days; also something he never thought he would say. During the few weekends their team wasn’t working a case, he found himself with a lot of time on his hands, especially when he hadn’t made plans with his colleagues (and friends). On those weekends, he looked forward to going back to work on Mondays.

The last two days though, he dreaded going to work. They hadn’t caught a new case and were just catching up on paperwork, but the atmosphere was tense. Just like now, the bullpen stayed mostly quiet during the day. Nobody dared to talk much, even when Gibbs wasn’t there. He had a feeling nobody actually knew what to say to him. Hell, he wasn’t sure what he wanted to hear.

Thinking back to days were laughter flooded the room, he realized that he often was the one who started the jokes and conversations they had. Something he absolutely wasn’t in the mood for now. The last two days, he had tried to get through the day without any attention on him. He actually sat at his desk for most of the day, filling out forms and writing case reports, trying to ignore the worried looks his blonde partner kept sending him from across the bullpen.

Just thinking about the female agent made his mind go wild again. Most days, he would have loved her constant attention, but now he couldn’t even get himself to look at her.

The dinging of the elevator broke him out of his thoughts, and he entered. He checked his watch to see that it was already past 7pm. Normally, he would have gone to the gym now, but after Jordan confessed to purposefully coming late to their training session for the promise of money, he couldn’t stand to go there anymore. Ever since moving permanently back to DC, the gym was one of his favorite places. He could always go there and forget about the day he had; about the horrors they sometimes saw. It was his sanctuary and Jordan wasn’t only his personal trainer, he was also a good friend to him, making his betrayal even more absurd.  

As the elevator arrived on the main level, he got out and exited the building, crossing through the small courtyard in front of the building and walking along the sidewalk to his car. He also hadn’t touched his motorcycle again because it kept reminding him of the dead girl it laid on. He shook his head, taking a deep breath. He couldn’t go there right now.

His parking space was close to the entrance and on his way there he passed Ellie’s spot, where her truck was still standing. Looking further ahead, he saw her leaning against his own car, her backpack standing on the ground next to her.

It wasn’t an unusual sight. Over the last few weeks, they often carpooled together. Ever since Ellie had told him about her nightmares, he stayed with her numerous nights. In the beginning, he had slept next to her every single night, but after a few weeks, her nightmares lessened and she was able to sleep through the night again, so they switched to phone conversations before going to sleep. Some days, usually when they had a particularly hard case, she would come over again. Just like last week, after Gibbs and her came back from the sub.

He briefly closed his eyes as he was reminded of them waking up together the next morning. She was snuggled against his chest, her head resting in the crook of his neck. She was still deeply asleep, her warm breath tickling his neck. He was always the first to wake up, enjoying the feeling over her in his arms and inhaling her scent for a few minutes, before shifting her back onto the pillow and getting up, always trying to avoid any moments of awkwardness between them in fear that she wouldn’t come back to him.

Over the last few days, the image of his peacefully sleeping partner had changed into Ellie laying in his arms and asking him how he could kill that girl. She looked up to him with wide eyes, fear and horror reflecting in her usually calm eyes. It was his own personal nightmare and he had lost a lot of sleep over it during the last two nights.

A shudder ran down his back as he tried to clear the image out of his head. Ellie had spotted him, pushing herself off his truck. She was wearing her long brown coat, and her hair was blowing softly in the wind. For a second, he thought about turning around and going back inside, but he knew she would just run after him, following him wherever. Damn, that stubborn woman.

“I’m not in the mood to talk to you, Bishop,” he greeted her as he stopped a few feet in front of her, looking past her to the street.

“You never call me Bishop anymore,” she replied and out of the corner of his eyes, he saw her cross her arms. “We need to talk, Nick. I don’t like it when we’re fighting.”

“Good thing, we’re not fighting then,” he simply stated, pressing the button on his car keys to open his car. “I really wanna get home now.”

“Nick, please,” she pleaded, stepping closer to him. “We’re not fine. You’re angry at me. You’re barely looking at me.”

He stepped around her, opening the door on the passenger side and throwing his backpack inside, avoiding her searching eyes. “I’m not angry at you.”

“But you’re not talking to me either.”

“I’m tired, Ellie. A lot has happened in the last few days and I don’t feel like talking about any of it.” He closed the passenger door with a bang, probably a little to forcefully. As he tried to walk around the hood of his car to get inside, a hand on his arm stopped him.

He froze as her fingers wrapped around his arm, her grip tight and not as gentle as usual. He avoided her touch for the last few days and whereas he missed her constant presence while sleeping, he was afraid her touch would burn him now. Reminding him over and over again that she thought he could kill someone.

“I’m not done talking to you, Nick. We need to figure this out,” she pushed him, pulling at his arm. “What you said the other day is not true. I have more faith in you than any other person, and you know that.”

“Is that why you asked me if it was possible that I shot the girl in the neck?” He abruptly turned back around to her, finally looking at her. Her lips were pursed, and she looked determined.

“That doesn’t mean, I don’t have faith in you.” Her forehead wrinkled.

“Well, McGee and Gibbs didn’t ask me that question. You were the only one, Ellie.” His hands went to his hips and he broke their gaze, shifting from one foot to the other, slightly shaking his head.

“I know you would never kill somebody on purpose. You’re a _good_ guy, Nick,” she emphasized, stepping closer to him once more, trying to catch his gaze again. “But at that moment, all the evidence pointed towards you and you couldn’t remember anything. You were drugged. Who knows what they could have made you do. It was a logical question. I’m a trained analyst, Nick. It’s one of the first questions we asked everyone who is remotely linked to our cases. It had nothing to do with you.” She stretched her hand out to him again, not quite touching him.

“Damn it, Ellie. You don’t ask me these kinds of questions,” he yelled, and she immediately dropped her hand, stepping back from him. A dry chuckle left his lips at her withdrawal. “I’ve always known that I’ve got this dark side and all day long, I kept asking myself, if I could have subconsciously done it, you know? And then you actually asked me if I’d done it.” He stopped, his shoulders dropping as he shook his head. “ _You_ of all people, Ellie.”

“Nick, you’re my best friend. I’ve known you for over two years and I know that you aren’t capable of hurting someone,” she tried again, stepping closer to him and resting her hands close to his neck, framing his head as her thumbs tried to guide his head back to look at her.

He kept his gaze steady on his shoes, not giving into her touch, even though it took everything in him. When the team had found him, she was the first to check him over, pushing him to sit down and ordering McGee to get him something to wear. She had crouched down in front of him, asking him if he was OK, her hand softly rubbing his knee. Gibbs had stood right there, watching them and letting her fuss over him until McGee came back with an NCIS jacket, and Gibbs ordered her to look around.

That had been the last time, he had felt her touch. And god, he would have needed her that night. Her reassuring touch would have calmed his racing mind, but instead he had gone home alone, and she had been featured in his nightmares.

He felt his pulse speeding up again, her words replying in his head and he lashed out, “We both know there is more between us, Ellie.” He huffed angrily. “We’ve spent over a dozen nights together over the last few weeks. You’ve been waking up in my arms every single time. Best friends don’t do that.”

Screw their boundaries.

Her eyes widened at his words and her hands slowly let go of his neck, falling limply down her sides. “Nick,” she whispered, but as she tried to continue, no words formed in her throat. She averted her gaze, folding her hands together in front of her.

“Of course, you don’t know what to say to that,” he scoffed, putting his hands to his hips. “I’m done being the nice one that waits for you to be ready. I can’t hold you at night, soothing away your nightmares when you think I’m capable of murdering someone. I can’t love you when you don’t at least trust me.”

“Nick, please,” she pleaded, and he heard her voice quivering, but in his rage, he didn’t fully register it.

“No, Ellie, I’m done. I would have waited years for you to be ready, but I can’t do that anymore.” His throat felt painfully tight and he stumbled back a step, slowly backing away from her. “I’m in love with you, Ellie, but I can’t be your rock if you can’t be mine.”

Without looking at her again, he turned around, walking around the hood of his car and getting inside. Before driving away, he briefly looked into the rearview mirror, catching his partner’s eyes one more time.

Her eyes were wet, tears flowing down her cheeks and he quickly looked away, not bearing to see her cry.

As he started the car, he tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but it only seemed to get bigger. Even in his angry state, he felt sorry for the blonde woman. He didn’t mean to make her cry; he had promised himself a long time ago to never hurt her this way. His words were harsh, but they were true. She didn’t fully trust him and without trust, they were far away from having a relationship anytime soon.

 

\------

 

He barely slept that night again. Every time he closed his eyes, his own personal nightmare started over again in his head. Adding to that, he felt torn about his conversation with Ellie. Making her cry was not his goal and he had definitely lost his temper with her. He had thrown a lot of harsh and unthoughtful words at her. Something he wasn’t proud of. They still worked together, and they needed to be able to depend on each other as a team, even if he was struggling with it.

As he entered the office building the next morning, he walked to the elevator, seeing the doors about to close. He quickly crossed the small distance, slamming his hand between the doors just in time for them to open again. He regretted his choice as the doors opened and he saw Ellie standing inside.

She was once again wearing her brown coat, a dark pullover peeking out from under it. Her eyes widened upon seeing him and she quickly averted her gaze, focusing on her black adidas sneakers. Her eyes were swollen and more red than usual and even her long lashes weren’t able to hide the dark circles under her eyes. Last night, when he left her, tears had been rolling down her cheeks and they seemed to have continued falling for a while.

Despite all his anger, he felt sorry for her. He hadn’t meant to hurt her with his words and he definitely didn’t mean to make her cry. Under all the anger he felt, he still loved her.

An urge to comfort her ran through him and he had to restrain himself from walking over to her and pulling her into his arms. Instead, he set his jaw and stepped into the elevator, quickly turning his back to her. He heard her shift behind him, and he willed the elevator doors to close, but they didn’t. Pressing his lips tight together, he reached out to jab the close doors button a few times. He should have taken the stairs. He could barely take the awkward tension between them anymore.

Once the doors closed and the elevator finally started to move, he felt the air shift in the small space. In the next second, Ellie stepped closer to him, reaching around him and pressing the emergency stop button.

As the elevator hustled to a stop, he tensed, feeling her presence close to him, and all his muscles went rigid. Her smell filled his nostrils and he could feel warmth radiating off her.

“Nick,” she whispered, and he felt her hand hovering above his shoulder for a second, before she laid it down on it, her other hand coming to rest on his waist.

Goosebumps spread over his whole body and he swallowed hard. He had imagined her coming to him so many times, but not like this. He was still angry, and it only took him a second longer to shake out of her embrace, stepping away from her.

“Not like this, Ellie,” he warned her, turning around. “I don’t want you to say anything or do something, just because I did. It’s not right.”

When he looked into her eyes, he saw sadness and hurt and she stepped back towards the wall of the elevator, once again focusing on her shoes.

“You need to give me some space, B. I need to figure this out on my own. There’s nothing you can do,” he told her, shaking his head. “I don’t know how to trust you right now. So much happened and I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know who I am anymore. And I owe it to myself and to us, to figure that out first.”

The young agent bit her lip, a frown covering her forehead as she crossed her arms in front of her. She let out a small breath, rocking slight back and forth on her feet, before looking up at him. “I miss you, Nick,” she whispered, her voice raw and broken.

Something inside him broke at her words and felt every last bit of tension leaving his body. Within a second, he crossed the distances between them, framing her face in his hands and pulling their foreheads together. He closed his eyes, enjoying her closeness for a few seconds.

“I missed you too,” he confessed, his thumbs caressing her cheekbones. “The last few days have been hell and all I wanted was to pull you into my arms and to never let go again. I needed you, Ellie.”

“I’m here, Nick,” she said, her voice still rough. “I’ve been here the whole time. I’m sorry I asked you that stupid question. I never meant to hurt you.” One of her arms wrapped around his waist, fisting in the back of his shirt while her other hand snug up his chest, coming to rest against his neck.

“It’s not that easy anymore. After everything that happened we can’t just go back to how things were before.” The blonde woman shook her head and he grabbed her face tighter, not letting her end the moment. “You’re not ready, Ellie, and I can’t forget the last few days. It’s not the right time.”

“But I’m here, Nick.”

He opened his eyes, finding hers staring intently back into his. He held her gaze as he let his right hand fall from her cheek down to her waist. “I saw the fear in your eyes yesterday. You’re not ready and I need you to be completely sure. Because when we start this, there will be no going back. I need you to be all in, because I am.”

Her grip on his shirt loosened a bit and he saw her swallow hard, before she looked away from him. Her hand against his neck fell to his chest and she pulled her lip between her teeth again, biting down on it. He could almost smell her hesitance.

“One day, Ellie, one day we'll both be ready and until then you’ll have to be patient with me,” he promised her, urging her to look back up to him. “I know patience isn’t your strong suit, but I need some time to sort this all out.”  

She just nodded, rubbing her hand over his chest a few times. “I’m sorry this is such a mess.”

“Don’t be. We’ll figure this out.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, probably lingering a little too long, but she didn’t seem to care. “Just please don’t cry anymore. That’s not something I want to experience again.”

A soft chuckle left her lips and they pulled away from each other, putting a little more distance between them again. They stood beside each other and he felt like a weight was lifted from his shoulders. They still had a long way to go, but at least they seemed to be on the same page.

**Author's Note:**

> Saddly I know that something like this would never happen on the show, but a girl can dream! 
> 
> Let me know what you think! Thank you for reading :)


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